Fifty Shades Of Horrible Writing

We thought today we would share some laughs for you, at the expense of EL James and her train wreck of a trilogy, the 50 Shades series. Enjoy!

Two Secondhand Shoes And One Runaway Bride

We thought we'd take time today to give a nod to our friend Shelly Arkon, who is having a giveaway at her blog tied to her book Secondhand Shoes.

Here's a bit about Shelly herself:

When she was nine, Shelly Arkon's mother advised her not to write a novel because no one would publish it...but she wrote it anyway.

Shelly Arkon has never stopped writing since she wrote that first novel as a child. In spite of more family drama than most of us could handle—as the mother of five daughters, drama is unavoidable--she's been writing most of her life. She says most of these stories, written in longhand in spiral notebooks, have been about vampires.

She now lives in New Port Richey with her husband and two dogs. She’s also a member of Florida Writer’s Association and Writers of Mass Distraction.

Currently, she’s working on a book series. It’s’about two grandmothers, one a New Age hippie, and the other, a Southern Baptist, their grandbaby, their grown children who are pill heads, their extended dysfunctional family, and a dangerous drug dealer.

The two grandmothers find themselves in a dangerous pursuit to save their grandbaby while finding an unlikely friendship between them.

And here we have the blurb for Secondhand Shoes

The shoes didn’t fit. It was an omen.

Eighteen year old psychic-medium-germ-a-phobe Lila should have listened to her ghostly Gram’s advice the morning of her wedding, “Take off that dress and those shoes. And run.”

En route to the honeymoon, she decides to listen after too many disagreements with her groom. It doesn’t pay to go along to make everyone happy.

Still in her wedding dress and shoes, she escapes out a diner’s bathroom window into the Florida woods despite her fear of snakes and germs with her dead Gram’s direction.

So she begins a journey of finding her inner strength, putting her on a deadly run from her psychotic groom and his deranged friends.

Will she ever get past her fear of germs and snakes? Will she survive her honeymoon?

The book can be found at Amazon, both ebook and paperback, through this link: Secondhand Shoes. And over at Shelly's blogs, you can find details on the free giveaway, which started yesterday and goes through tomorrow. Secondhand Shoes and The Life Of A Novice Writer are where you can find Shelly, and they're busy blogs at the moment. Head on in, comment there, and to be in on the giveaway, Shelly asks this in return:

Post this on your facebook page:

Secondhand Shoes is FREE Feb.19, 20, and 21st. Get your copy: http://www.amazon.com/Secondhand-Shoes-ebook/dp/B00B1ZNQAO/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1361049290&sr=8-2&keywords=Shelly+arkon%2C+Secondhand+Shoes

Feb. 19th, 20th, and 21st join us to Spread the News and Cheer on the Run Away Bride Give Away and Blog Party. You could win a 15 dollar Amazon card or an autographed copy of Secondhand Shoes. Visit http://secondhandshoesnovel.blogspot.com/

Feb. 19th, 20th, and 21st join us to Spread the News and Cheer on the Run Away Bride Give Away and Blog Party. You could win a 15 dollar Amazon card or an autographed copy of Secondhand Shoes. Visit http://www.shellysnovicewritings.blogspot.com/

And on Twitter, tweet this:

Free books and prizes @ http://www.shellysnovicewritings.blogspot.com/ Feb.19 to 21st #FReeBooks#KindleAmazon Please Retweet

and

Free books and prizes @ http://secondhandshoesnovel.blogspot.com/ Feb.19 to 21st #FReeBooks#KindleAmazon Please Retweet

Head on over and give Shelly your support. She's a lot of fun, and the book is a terrific read!

Without A Word: Happy Valentine's Day

Do Super Soldiers Have Time For Getting Lucky?

James and I have been discussing the virginity--or lack thereof--of Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America. I say he's still a virgin. James says maybe not.

Strictly speaking, we're talking about the movie version here, namely Chris Evans playing the super soldier in Captain America: The First Avenger, where the character spends the first part of World War Two trying to get to the army despite his frail health, and once he's been infused with a formula, ends up a super soldier. Complete aside: Lance Armstrong would like to know if there's any more of that.

Anyway, in films like this, there's always a love interest, and just like in the comics, she's Peggy Carter, a spitfire agent who has a thing for Steve. The feeling's mutual, but they're not around each other that much...

Being a man, darling, I suppose you find it hard to believe that Steve, now in his nineties (at least) but not looking older than late twenties, could have gone without for so long.

Well, it was the war, and if a guy was away from home, off in England waiting for that whole crossing the Channel thing, he'd have the odd opportunity to get to know one of the local girls in town. It wasn't the sort of thing you wrote home to Mom and Dad about...

I can think of a number of women who would be more than willing to remedy the situation for him!

It must be that whole shirtless thing he does after the procedure's over in the movie. I swear, you can practically hear the women in the theatre sigh in unison. And Peggy does look like she's ready to jump him right there and then in front of everyone in the lab.

But when might he have done the deed, my love? Just before he became Captain America, he told Peggy Carter that their conversation in the car was the longest he'd ever had with a woman. After that, when would they have managed to find enough time alone?

That is a problem. After the procedure, she goes off one way to Europe as part of her work, and he's stuck in America getting bored out of his mind selling war bonds by performing on stage for audiences. And when he turns up in Europe and starts the whole super hero thing, well... for awhile she's kind of annoyed with him.

That whole getting caught kissing a shameless flirt thing caught up with Steve, after all.

I couldn't blame her for shooting at him.

He's lucky he had the shield.
And then he had to sacrifice himself to save New York City...

True... but there's at least a bit of time when they kiss and make up after Bucky bites the dust on a mission. And before that last act of the film. I still say Steve and Peggy got lucky.

And if not... well, he's thawed out in the present day, and he's got some wild oats to sow, so to speak.

Actually, that particular idiom is kind of icky.

Without A Word: I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me