Today we're handing over our blog to Pussy, the cat who counts one of our supporting characters in Same Time Tomorrow as her personal servant. Enjoy!
7:40 AM. My servant, otherwise known as Dana, is on her way out the door to a place she calls work for the day. Most disappointing. Why can't she stay home and worship me instead? She bids me goodbye for the day, giving me a scratch behind the ears and saying, "I've got a date tonight, Pussy."
Two things. First, oh, wonderful. She's bringing that idiot Jack home. This will not do at all. Second, why on earth does she persist in calling me the same thing she calls one of her personal favourite body parts? I could tell her my real name if ionly she could understand my language. (For the record, my true name is Isis. Yes, I am a feline goddess.)
Oh, well. I've got the loft to myself today. Too bad I can't open windows, but the servant seems to think a cat wandering New York on her own isn't a good thing. So unfortunately those birds that stop on the balcony will have to remain so close... but oh, so far.
12:10 PM. Help myself to more of the meal left behind by the servant. Kibbles and canned meat are rather beneath me. This is something I must discuss post haste with the servant, but she'll most certainly be busy with that buffoon instead this evening.
2:20 PM. Beginning to engage in lengthy procedure of bath. It would go much quicker if I was just in a tub rather than licking every bit of myself I can get at, but we cats don't like getting wet, and the tub is a place of ultimate drenching. To be avoided at all costs.
Oh, no...his servant has that not so lovely creature with her. Why do young women fornicate with such homely old men? I suppose it has something to do with that emerald necklace she's wearing.
Oh...that's all she's wearing! She's down on her knees in front of him. He's naked, too. He looks like that Jabba the Hut character from Star Wars.
Is that some form of worship she's giving him?
3:15 PM. Crow lands on balcony outside, staring in at me. I hiss and growl. Oh, for just one moment to charge out there and get my teeth on that bird! What's a cat got to do to get their own way? Crow makes noise, as if it's taunting me. Stupid bird.
5:55 PM. Wondering where the servant is. Will she be back after work, or is she heading out on her date straight off? And if so... what about my dinner? Servant Dana, clearly you have your priorities messed up. This is one of the many things we must discuss.
6:30 PM. Hungry again. Unfortunately, there's none of that wonderful caviar left.
I think I'll go shred my servant's new silk nightie. Let's see how she likes that....
7:45 PM. Pacing back and forth, annoyed. Servant still out on date. Why on earth does the servant need to engage in a social life when she has me to attend to? This will not do.
I wonder if she's going to engage in activities involving fornication. She tends to put on Barry White music to get her in the mood. If I hear The First, The Last, My Everything from the stereo tonight, it's because she wants to get lucky.
8:35 PM. Still no sign of the servant or her boyfriend. Have not been much impressed with this Jack person. Seems rather dimwitted, if you ask me, and I assume you are asking me. And it might just be my impression, but I think he's hiding something. My servant really ought to show better judgment in whom she socializes with.
And he completely ignores me! How dare he!
Uh oh... she just put Barry on. The bass voice is starting up. Dana's getting that look in her eyes...
10:15 PM. Watching the servant and Jack making out, as the humans put it, on the couch. His hands are all over her, and she seems to like it. Wondering how long it'll take them to get out of their clothing and upstairs.
Estimated time, anywhere from five minutes to twenty. Depends on if she wants foreplay.
10:30 PM. Fifteen minutes and he's still going. I jump up on the desk for a better view and find myself next to Dana's vibrator.
Why does she need this beast when she has a perfectly good vibrator, anyway?
And she just put new batteries in it yesterday....
10:45 PM. Perched on desk in bedroom, watching. Dana is being groped and caressed by Jack. Both of them are moaning as if they find this pleasurable. She straddles him, and he puts his... thingie, inside her. She seems to like it. I don't know why.
Strange, but for some reason, I can't look away.
11:00 PM. Why, oh why, do I keep watching? It must be like humans with a traffic wreck.
They say they're compelled to watch accidents.
Jack could definitely qualify as a wreck....
11:10 PM. Watching the servant and the dimwitted boyfriend lying in bed together. He looks up, seeing me at last sitting on the desk. He asks if I've been watching the whole time. Dana tells him I'm something of a voyeur. Dana, my tendency to watching your mating habits does not make me a voyeur. Even if I'm purring.
11:25 PM. Jack's cellphone is ringing in his pants pocket. The ringtone
sounds like a toilet flushing. It's his...WIFE!
He has a wife? Oh, this ought to be good....
11:30 PM. Much anger and accusation from the servant at Jack. She finds herself outraged at his deception about being single. Well, Dana, you do realize I've felt he was keeping secrets? This is what you get for not listening to your kitty.
Jack tries to explain, claiming it's not that big a deal. Dana looks like she's ready to kill him. She orders him out, and he finally gets dressed and goes. "Men!" Dana says with a snarl of disgust. Yes, I know, Dana. I tried to tell you, but would you listen?
Midnight. Dana gives me something she brought home in a... doggie bag? She's giving me food meant for a lowly dog?
I'm all set to refuse it when I realize it's swordfish.
No way will I ever refuse some well-prepared swordfish.
And since Dana no longer has an appetite....