Friday, June 29, 2012

Rolling Our Eyes In Dismay And Face Palming

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." ~ Billy Crystal

Recently Scarlett and I happened to come across this particular article. 237 reasons to have sex. Go ahead and peruse them. We won't judge you. Too much, anyway.

Finished? Good. Kind of strange, isn't it? And quite personal. Some of them... well, let's face it, they're troubling. Others are outright funny. So we thought we'd examine some of them ourselves, asking the question: is this a good reason to have sex?

"I was bored."

Really? That's as much as you can muster up an answer? Not much of an imagination, huh? Come on, when you're bored, you find something to alleviate the boredom. You play poker, scrabble, yahtzee. Some sort of game that chews up time. If you happen to be playing it with someone you find rather attractive, you can raise the stakes and make it strip poker, strip scrabble, strip yahtzee, strip whatever... and spice things up. But having sex because you're bored? Come on!

How about Naked Twister? Or Dirty Scrabble?

Naked Twister is really, really, really fun. We did that one just the other night.

"The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her."

This sort of thing makes me shake my head and roll my eyes. Wow, your hero worship goes a long way. Well, just so you know, if it's Russell Brand you're looking at shagging, you'd better engage in a fleadip afterwards, because that guy doesn't bathe often. And if it's Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton who seems to be the famous celebutante in your sights... let's just say that everyone's seen what they have to offer, and sleeping with an idiot just because they're famous doesn't reflect well on your judgment.

This also applies to anyone in the Twilight cast!

"I wanted to have more sex than my friends."

Was Paris Hilton answering these questions? That seems to be one of her answers....

"I wanted the attention."

I see. This explains why you and your shag buddy are now being held  in custody in Rome after being arrested in St. Peter's Square for public lewdness. It seems His Holiness the Pope doesn't like that sort of thing. You know, we could tell you from personal experience that if you're going to engage in exhibitionism, always have a quick escape ready. You never know how your audience will react.

The Pope was just jealous!

He's not getting any.

"I saw the person naked and could not resist."

Okay. I'll give you this one. That's a good reason to have sex.

I'll second that!

"I wanted to gain control of the person."

Reality check here. That control only lasts as long as the erection lasts. There's one thing all women need to remember: a man is hard when he's soft and soft when he's hard. It's that simple. Really.

"I thought it would help trap a new partner."

Are you looking for a sex partner...or a bear? Or maybe both? Now that would be kinky!

 "I was competing with someone else for the person."

James, didn't we go down this road some years ago? That stupid twit thought all she had to do was stick it in your face and...James? Are you listening? Get that silly grin off your face! You did her, didn't you? 

Oh, good God, no, I avoided that trap, and so much the better. I was just picturing her with a neon sign marked stupid twit over her head. It's very fitting.

You still occasionally attract some room temperature IQ types. But I suppose I can understand that even stupid girls know a hottie when they see one!

"I didn't know how to say no." "I thought it would help trap a new partner."

Whaaaaat? Don't know how to say no? Oh, come now--it's an easy little word, and only two letters. One little syllable. Repeat after me: NO, NO, NO, NO. It's the same word in many languages. And in those that have a different word, it's usually equally simple: non, nyet.... 

Or the always reliable "Drop dead, you knuckledragging moron."

"It's exciting, dangerous."

Can't argue with that....

Particularly if it's done on the side of a rock face. 




  1. This was great fun! And Naked Twister is, well...just picture it.

  2. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around Dirty Scrabble.

  3. It's like a cross between Scrabble and strip poker.

  4. Hey!! I'd pay to have sex with Mr. Sparkles!!


    However, some of those were really, really disturbing...I remember getting this list and thinking, WTF...!

    Oh, I like Strip Poker..except, I can't play...ever tried Strip Euchre??

  5. If Sweetman and I played any kind of twister, we might not be able to walk the next day.

  6. Omg, that list is crazy! It's sad though...very easy to tell which reasons are from married people. And what the heck is up with the one that says "I wanted to change the topic of converstaion"? Lol!

  7. Christina--did you read the whole list? It's pretty weird in places!

  8. I did, Norma! It is quite strange here and there.