Friday, November 5, 2010

Scarlett: Linda's Blog

I'm dying.

Pancreatic cancer...those words mean the odds would have been stacked against me, even if I had chosen to have surgery, chemotherapy. I decided against it. I want to be able to live out my last days at home, with a clear mind for as long as possible.

I don't know how much time I have, a few months at best. I've accepted it; I've made my peace with God and I'm ready to go home. My only concern is for my daughter. Chloe is my only child, and there's so much I want to tell her...and so much I can't bring myself to tell her, even now.

If I thought it would bring her peace, I would tell her the truth about why her father left us--but I know it won't. Quite the contrary, it would only cause her more pain. No, it has to remain a secret.

I've worried about her ever since Jay left. I've seen how it's impacted her life. But now, maybe I can leave this life and know that finally, my baby will be all right. She didn't make her last visit alone. Soon after she got here, a young man arrived. I had my doubts at first--they met online, and we've all heard the horror stories--but Gabriel is, as far as I can see, a good man who clearly adores my Chloe.

I wish I could see what the future holds for them. Will they marry? Will they have children? Oh, how I'd love to be there for my daughter's hold my grandchildren in my arms....

1 comment:

  1. As ever, Linda comes across in such a poignant way.