Olivia: Well, darling, it seems our creators are giving us a chance to play in their blog. Isn't that sweet of them?
Rachel: Very much so! We'll try not to cause too much havoc while we're here.
Olivia: It turns out that People recently put out another one of those Sexiest Man Alive issues. Not that I really understand the fixation, but apparently it sells lots of copies. And they named Bradley Cooper of all people as the Sexiest Man Alive this year.
Rachel: Good God, not him.
Olivia: Yes, that prat from those irritating Hangover movies.
Rachel: Not that we find him remotely sexy. We play on a completely different team, after all.
Olivia: Yes. Besides, he had the bad judgment to date both Renee Zellweger and Jennifer Aniston. That says a lot about his personal taste, doesn't it? And after all, he just doesn't have the sort of... equipment to get you and I hot and bothered.
Rachel: Sweetheart, that's an understatement. So our writers thought that they'd let us make our own picks for the hottest women among the stars. If it was hottest women in general, we'd easily pick each other.
Olivia: Can you blame us? Okay, shall we begin?
Rachel: Oh, let's. Some of the choices we've made have been women who do swing our way, other women who swing both ways, and, well, those women we wish would have swung our way.
Olivia: First off, we'd have to say Maria Bello. Smart and sexy in whatever role she does. She does draw our attention whenever we see her in a new role. Can you blame us? Just look at her!
Rachel: And she's funny too. Just watch Thank You For Smoking. She's got the banter right down, comes across as spirited, and let's face it, Olivia and I find spirited irresistable. I don't think she plays for our team though, does she?
Olivia: Not as far as I know. For a long time that was a question mark about our next pick, the delightful Jodie Foster. At least until she came out of the closet.
Rachel: Another strong, smart, sexy woman. She's very careful about the films she gets involved in. You don't have to worry about Jodie sullying her reputation by starring in anything with Ben Stiller, after all. Seems to take things a bit too seriously at times, though I found her adorably hilarious in Maverick.
Olivia: I kept wanting Mel Gibson to get out of the way so I could feast my eyes on Jodie.
Rachel: Our next selection is a lady that definitely swings our way. Melissa Etheridge has been a rock star for years, out of the closet for most of that time, a real icon. And she's sexy as hell.
Rachel: I dared you to.
Olivia: Watch her in concert. She flirts with her audience. Granted, her audience are overwhelmingly women... and guys who like how she plays the guitar. How can we not find her sexy?
Rachel: We find another singer, Chely Wright, profoundly sexy... it's the way she winks and smiles. And she's come out of the closet in the last couple of years.
Olivia: She performs in country music, which can be a hard audience to come out of the closet to. They tend to be conservative, set in their ways... I wonder how much she brings up about herself if she's doing a concert down south. We like her playfulness in videos and concert. It's very, very attractive.
Rachel: No kidding, honey! Staying in the musical genre, our next pick has to be the late great jazz singer Billie Holiday.
Olivia: She had the kind of voice that can break your heart and make you feel happy, sometimes in the very same song. She had this tragic, dramatic life, and it really brought out volumes of life experience in what she sang.
Rachel: And as it turns out, she swung both ways, had affairs with men and women.
Olivia: Our next selection is a pair, given that, well, they're married and all. Rachel and I do like a laugh, and the comedian Ellen DeGeneres does make us laugh. Besides, have one look at her wife Portia De Rossi.
Rachel: Straight women would go for her! A much better pick then Ellen's previous relationship. Let's face it, Anne Heche was a little bit unhinged.
Olivia: Just a little?
Rachel: Okay, a lot.
Rachel: But of course. I don't know about you, but I kind of fell head over heels when I first saw her as Eowyn in The Two Towers.
Olivia: Strong, opinionated, stubborn, smart, and utterly courageous.
Rachel: Come on, Eowyn, who needs to go chasing after Aragorn when you can come play with our team?
Olivia: Sweetie, you're giving me all sorts of naughty ideas for later on.
Olivia: She kind of reminds me of you, darling.
Rachel: Sultry, sexy, and seductive?
Olivia: And really exotic. We've seen her in a number of films, though she's probably best known for starring opposite that unpleasant Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 2. I wonder if he was wearing lifts in his shoes when they had scenes together.
Rachel: He really is a short man, isn't he? Last of our list, and speaking of exotic... we'd have to go with an actress from India named Aishwarya Rai. The media often cites her as the most beautiful woman in the world. It's really not all that hard to see why.
Olivia: Most of her work of course is in the Bollywood side of things. I never could get into all of those strange dance number films that seem to be released all the time out of those studios, but I'd love to see her in something else. Suppose she could be convinced to star in a film with Thandie, Portia, Maria, Miranda, and Jodie?
Rachel: Honey, I think that would have you and I permanently overheated.