Sunday, March 20, 2011

You Can Use Solar Power For What?

Darling James, a shop in Alabama has offered its customers a trade: solar-powered sex toys for their old, battery-powered ones....

Really, lover? I'm shocked that anyone in Alabama knows what solar power is. Now is that the sort of thing one wants lying out in the open where friends, family, or former teachers might happen to wander by and see it?

The punchline was that people in Alabama think if the sex toy is solar powered, they have to masturbate on the roof.

What a lovely image, Scarlett! Hillbillies getting off, while getting on the roof.

Yeah, I knew you'd like that one.

You know, it might be a punchline, but... it'll happen. Along with all of the public indecency charges that follow.

I'm sure it will. There are stories on the news all the time of men getting caught having sex with animals...or inanimate objects....

Ick!!! You know, if we have to get charged with public indecency, shouldn't we have that one special someone with us to share in the indecency charge? It's so much more fun that way.

One idiot got it stuck in the hole for the umbrella on a patio table....

How to explain that to the inlaws...

I could see the wife bringing her parents out to the patio and there's hubby with his dick stuck in the center of the table....

Oh, yes... "there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this." Which, of course, leads to shrieks of horror, the dad-in law asking what the hell he was thinking, and divorce papers.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Kiss Us, Our Character's Irish

 Well, darling, here we are. St. Patrick's Day is upon us. Isn't there a line about Kiss me, I'm Irish? Or something like that?

That's it, my love. 

I'm a little bit Irish. Shall I show you which bit so you can kiss it?
Oh, by all means. You know how much I like kissing every exquisite bit of you. I think between the two of us, the expression ought to be Sleep With Me, I'm Irish. Not that we get a lot of sleeping in.

I've never understood why anyone says they're sleeping with someone. If they're sleeping, they're not doing it right.
Of course not! And really, who can sleep with all that sex going on?

Anyway, before we get carried away with ourselves... yes, right... can't let ourselves do that, can we?

They say that St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland, and for that, we drink green beer and eat Irish stew every March the Seventeenth... Scarlett, that's not a snake.

Well, it certainly is striking at me. And I've always wanted to be a snake charmer--you know, play music for it and watch it rise out of the basket. 

Oh, will you look at that? And I haven't played a single note!

That's because it's rather fond of you.

I'm more than a little fond of it, too.

And look--it found my Irish part!

Oh, yes, so I see... It's so well acquainted with your... ahem, Irish part.

What do you suppose it is about St. Patrick's that brings out the Irish in us? Why do we feel compelled to wear green? Which reminds me, I really like that emerald green teddy on you...

I used a bit of green hair dye as well. No, not on my head, silly!
Oh really? Hmmm, let me have a look.... oh, my... yes, I do so like that! Very fetching, darling. Shall we try some of that on me too?

I was hoping you'd want to! It tastes like peppermint,

Oh, right. Where were we? Aside from shameless flirting...

I've covered our bed in shamrocks....

Darling goddess, what an idea!

In that case, shall we adjourn to the bedroom?

I thought you'd never ask!

Ladies and gentlemen, you'll have to go off and celebrate St. Patrick's Day yourselves. And if you happen to hear one of us moaning, Faith and Begorrah, we're just having a little fun. Or a lot of fun.

One of us? We're not both going to be moaning? 

Of course we will! I'm sure that let me touch your shamrock will turn up in our pillow talk moanings sooner or later.

Please excuse us...I think that darling snake is looking for a place to hide....