Saturday, March 30, 2013

Does The Easter Bunny Really See Everything We Do?

"My mom used to say that the reason Greek Easter was later was because then you get stuff cheaper." ~ Amy Sedaris

"I have always wanted a bunny and I'll always have a rabbit for the rest of my life." ~ Amy Sedaris

Granted, only one of those quotes has to do with Easter. The second one is, well, more to our theme.

Yes, darling, but a rabbit can be a girl's best friend when she's all by her lonesome.

Well, if the Easter Bunny really does see everything we do, Scarlett and I are kind of screwed.

And not in a good way.

It's Easter weekend, and we thought we'd give you an image blog. Enjoy, and comment! We love comments!

Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to make some creative and, well, erotic use of Easter chocolates.

It's not as if we'll be welcome at Easter luncheons. Not since last year and the incident at the mayor's official gathering.

For some reason the press never published the pictures.

A pity. We looked good on top of the piano, our clothes strewn about everywhere....

Monday, March 25, 2013

So Adult Pleasure Toys Can Do That Too?

A story in the newspapers in recent days caught our attention. Of course we had to comment on it. It seems that an entirely different purpose for a very handy adult pleasure toy has been found by of all things, a vocal coach at a Canadian university. David Vey, a professor in the drama department at the University of Alberta, has been using sex toys to massage the throats of actors and singers. And he’s gotten results.

It certainly brings some pleasant sounds from my vocal chords—usually when you're not around, of course. Don't look at me like that! I have to do something to, uh, entertain myself when you're away. Sometimes I even let you watch!

And I really like to watch! Now usually vibrators are used on... or in, other parts of the female body.

I've used mine on a few of my private parts....

I remember that all too well. Especially that time in the charity ball with all those people nearby. We’ll never be allowed near the Widows And Orphans Benefit again for that brazen display of lust we got ourselves into… Is it getting hot in here?

Apparently Professor Vey has found that the vibrations along the skin of the throat relax the tension and aggravation in the larynx. This helps an actor or singer to increase their performance on stage. And no doubt causes blushing when they first see the vibrator brought out.

Blushing? Why on earth would they blush?

Some people are shy for some inexplicable reason, goddess. I don’t know why; it puzzles me too.

Last year he brought it to Stratford in Ontario, home to a well renowned drama festival, and tried it out on the actors. Ley noted that the vibrator works along the same lines as a massage, relaxing the throat from the outside. After trying various massage machines, he happened on a sex shop, where he headed in a very different direction.

You called him “Ley” there, darling. A Freudian slip? Are you thinking you'd like to get “Leyed” right now?

I’m sure the good professor gets more than enough raised eyebrows at his name, particularly given his tools…. And yes, I’d like that very much.

The vibrator he’s using is, well, smaller than you might imagine. Just the size of a computer mouse, but it does the trick. It eases the tension in the throat, a big issue for an actor or a singer who has to go out on stage each night. Those who have worked with Professor Vey have quickly caught onto the idea, buying the sex toys themselves.

I'll bet not just for their throats!

Obviously not!

At least that’s the explanation they’re giving to family members coming across the sex toys. Not to mention their accountants at tax time. “I swear! It’s a deductible expense!”

Oh, sure....

Accountants just aren’t that generous. Maybe they’re not getting any.

Now if you’ll excuse us… we’re going to see what we can do about relieving tension and getting Scarlett’s vocal chords nice and relaxed. Among other body parts.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Is That A Lucky Charm In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

It's that time of year again, St. Patrick's Day, where across the world we celebrate a Roman-British saint who may have driven the snakes out of Ireland while dispensing Christianity to the Irish... and we celebrate by getting hammered. Scarlett and I thought we'd mark the day with some amusements and some music.

We'll be spending the evening rubbing shamrocks on each other... looking for lucky charms and buried treasures. Mostly in between the sheets. If you happen to hear something that sounds like an old fashioned Irish Banshee wail, well, that's just us. No need to be alarmed or call in an exorcist.

We'll leave you then with something musically inclined... U2, performing Walk On live at Slane Castle in Ireland. Happy St. Patrick's Day!