So Adult Pleasure Toys Can Do That Too?

A story in the newspapers in recent days caught our attention. Of course we had to comment on it. It seems that an entirely different purpose for a very handy adult pleasure toy has been found by of all things, a vocal coach at a Canadian university. David Vey, a professor in the drama department at the University of Alberta, has been using sex toys to massage the throats of actors and singers. And he’s gotten results.

It certainly brings some pleasant sounds from my vocal chords—usually when you're not around, of course. Don't look at me like that! I have to do something to, uh, entertain myself when you're away. Sometimes I even let you watch!

And I really like to watch! Now usually vibrators are used on... or in, other parts of the female body.

I've used mine on a few of my private parts....

I remember that all too well. Especially that time in the charity ball with all those people nearby. We’ll never be allowed near the Widows And Orphans Benefit again for that brazen display of lust we got ourselves into… Is it getting hot in here?

Apparently Professor Vey has found that the vibrations along the skin of the throat relax the tension and aggravation in the larynx. This helps an actor or singer to increase their performance on stage. And no doubt causes blushing when they first see the vibrator brought out.

Blushing? Why on earth would they blush?

Some people are shy for some inexplicable reason, goddess. I don’t know why; it puzzles me too.

Last year he brought it to Stratford in Ontario, home to a well renowned drama festival, and tried it out on the actors. Ley noted that the vibrator works along the same lines as a massage, relaxing the throat from the outside. After trying various massage machines, he happened on a sex shop, where he headed in a very different direction.

You called him “Ley” there, darling. A Freudian slip? Are you thinking you'd like to get “Leyed” right now?

I’m sure the good professor gets more than enough raised eyebrows at his name, particularly given his tools…. And yes, I’d like that very much.

The vibrator he’s using is, well, smaller than you might imagine. Just the size of a computer mouse, but it does the trick. It eases the tension in the throat, a big issue for an actor or a singer who has to go out on stage each night. Those who have worked with Professor Vey have quickly caught onto the idea, buying the sex toys themselves.

I'll bet not just for their throats!

Obviously not!

At least that’s the explanation they’re giving to family members coming across the sex toys. Not to mention their accountants at tax time. “I swear! It’s a deductible expense!”

Oh, sure....

Accountants just aren’t that generous. Maybe they’re not getting any.

Now if you’ll excuse us… we’re going to see what we can do about relieving tension and getting Scarlett’s vocal chords nice and relaxed. Among other body parts.

Not Exactly Your Granddaddy's End Of The World

"I heard a good deal about a ring, and a dark lord, and something about the end of the world, but please, Mr. Gandalf, sir, don't hurt me. Don't turn me into anything... unnatural." ~ Samwise Gamgee

"Due to the lack of experienced trumpeters, the end of the world has been postponed for three weeks."

"It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there." ~ Pierre Elliot Trudeau

"Trust me, a few centuries down the line, people are going to be going out of their minds thinking the world's going to end on the winter solstice just because we're carving it into this rock. It'll be the biggest prank of all time." ~ Yax Kuk Mo, 759 AD

Well, here we are, with December 21st, 2012 soon to come upon us. Paranoid nutcases would have us believe that Mayan prophecies are predicting the imminent end of the world. Reasonable experts point out that the Mayan Long Count calendar doesn't point in that direction.

This hasn't stopped the nutcases from still going out of their minds with worry, has it, Scarlett?

Unfortunately, no. Fortunately for us, we plan to spend the 21st doing what we always do... and maybe enjoying it even more! That added element of danger and impending doom sounds like it could be great fun!

It's been said recently that the 21st of December will be the most annoying day in the history of the internet. No doubt. There will be people proclaiming by the hour around the world how the world hasn't come to an end yet. There will be endless jokes when the world is still here on the 22nd.

And then everyone--EVERYONE--will be converging on the malls to do all the Christmas

shopping they didn't do because they thought we wouldn't be around on Christmas!

Now, that could trigger Armageddon....

Never get in the way of a rampaging herd of last minute Christmas shoppers.

For those who honestly do believe the world is coming to an end, put your money where your mouth is. In this case, give all your money and material possessions away.

And be sure you give it to a worthy cause. I'm thinking mental health services,

since most of you will be needing them.

2013 will be a banner year for therapists. 

Did I mention that I just love Grumpy Cat?

How can we not love Grumpy Cat?

So what's the worst that can happen? Aside from waking up on the 22nd realizing the world didn't end and you no longer have a single item or dollar to your name?

We could give away all of our clothes. We haven't had need of them anyway.

We rarely do, actually.

For the rest of us, we'll just get ourselves through the day on Friday, which will end like pretty much every other day. We'll try not to tell the nutcase believers that we told them so. Emphasis on try.

I don't think I want to try. I love saying I told you so. And pointing and laughing.

At least if these mock forecasts are right... it'll be a dry heat. No humidity there.

Uh, darling...that forecast has as much chance of being accurate as any the

meteorologists have previously issued....

True. What other profession, aside from forecasters, can you afford to be wrong ninety percent of the time? And if we're wrong, well, we can roast marshmallows.

I like that idea! You and me, roasting marshmallows in the fireplace and...

use your imagination....

Oh well. There's nothing for it. We just have to get ourselves through the zaniness of Friday. Because Christmas is right around the corner after that, and sorry, true believers, but it is happening. Just as it has in other years. So if you've been putting off Christmas shopping because you think the world is going to end on Friday, you're going to have to spend the weekend in a mad dash doing your Christmas shopping. Might as well get started now.

Let the real insanity begin!

And there's no putting off your New Year's resolutions that you've been avoiding for the last... three hundred fifty days? Get off that couch!

I've only made one resolution...and you can guess what it is....

It involves the most enjoyable way two people can burn off calories.

While all of this lunacy is happening on Friday, Scarlett and I know where we'll be.

Where we always are...doing what we always do....

By the way, little known fact? The Mayans carved an image of a couple fornicating into the other side of that Long Count Calendar, but it's so graphic that it would make swingers blush.

And we weren't even there to pose for them!

That reminds me, love...I've set up a session with a sculptor. He's going to make a life-size statue of us in our favorite activity. We'll have to pose for him for hours on end....

 I think we can keep each other... inspired.

Bring In The Designated Dick

Today Scarlett and I are commenting on a bit of an odd story that's come up, namely a fellow who's divorcing his wife, for the simple reason that she's expecting too much sex from him. Seems the lady is a nymphomaniac, and he's exhausted. The original article is from myfox New York, and we're copying the link and the text here, just so you don't think we're making this up

http://www.myfoxny.com/dpps/news/offbeat/man-seeks-police-protection-from-sex-crazed-wife-dpgonc-20110126-gc_11594496#


WAIBLINGEN, Germany -- A Turkish man living in Germany with his wife of 18 years went to police for protection from her insatiable appetite for sex, Bild newspaper reported Wednesday.
The man went to police in the southwestern German city of Waiblingen on Tuesday.
He told police he slept on a sofa for the past four years in a futile attempt to escape the voracious embraces of his wife.
German police said the exhausted man -- who fathered two children with his wife -- decided to get a divorce and move out of the home.
"He has decided to get a divorce and to move out ... in the hope of finally getting some rest, particularly as he is anxious to arrive at work well rested," police said.
"At the moment this is impossible because he says his wife keeps coming into the living room demanding that he perform his marital duties. He asked for police help in getting some sleep at night," police added.

On behalf of all guys, I ask this man one question.... dude, why are you complaining???

He should consider himself extremely fortunate. I never hear any complaints from you when I demand frequent sex.

Frequent sex is fun, darling. Speaking of which, that thing you did with your tongue last night...


You liked that, did you?


Very much, yes, and it made me think of... oh, we're supposed to be talking about this fellow who's complaining about having too much sex for some inexplicable reason. Look, sir, if you're having a problem keeping up with her... maybe you need some Viagra.

Well, I suppose if she's too much woman for him, he could allow her a few extra men on the side. Just for sex, mind you.

Exactly! A designated dick. Think about it, man. You've been married for eighteen years, had kids with her... you wouldn't have invested all that time if you didn't feel something for her. So, to save your marriage, you should let her get some action on the side. And if you're comfortable watching, by all means.

Now there's a thought. Sort of like a pinch hitter? Is that what they call it in baseball?

They do! And speaking of pinching....

And sir, invest in a really good videorecorder! You'll want to watch those videos again and again....

You will! Okay, okay, maybe you're a bit uptight. Maybe the idea of another guy or three or four satisfying your wife while you're taking a breather might annoy you. Maybe you can't face the idea of joining a swinger's club and sitting at the bar drinking a vodka on the rocks while your wife gets her world rocking.

Three words for you to consider as alternatives for her: Vibrator. Dildo. Cucumber.

Cucumber. She can eat it afterward. Oh, wait a minute.  Speaking of eating....

Darling goddess, we're still in the midst of blogging!

I can multitask...though I don't really consider this a task....

Oh, yes, right there, oh, that feels soooooo goooooood... oh, we're being watched.

Look, sir, one last piece of advice. If you can't face the idea of letting other guys pleasure your wife, and the idea of going into a sex shop to buy vibrators or dildos leaves you mortified, well, there's one more alternative.

Have an anatomically correct robot built. 

That would be expensive, darling. I can't speak for the woman in question, but I'm not sure I'd want to be humped by a robot!

It might be this poor chap's only chance to save his marriage. When in doubt, build a robot. I'm sure I heard that somewhere.

Would you hump a robot?

Oh, I wouldn't. I've seen too many science fiction movies, so I'd be expecting the thing to turn all evil on me. Fortunately that's not a consideration considering you and I share a bed. Speaking of which, why don't we go back to fondling and groping...?

Mmmmmm...I thought you'd never ask....