Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Not Exactly Your Granddaddy's End Of The World

"I heard a good deal about a ring, and a dark lord, and something about the end of the world, but please, Mr. Gandalf, sir, don't hurt me. Don't turn me into anything... unnatural." ~ Samwise Gamgee

"Due to the lack of experienced trumpeters, the end of the world has been postponed for three weeks."

"It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there." ~ Pierre Elliot Trudeau

"Trust me, a few centuries down the line, people are going to be going out of their minds thinking the world's going to end on the winter solstice just because we're carving it into this rock. It'll be the biggest prank of all time." ~ Yax Kuk Mo, 759 AD

Well, here we are, with December 21st, 2012 soon to come upon us. Paranoid nutcases would have us believe that Mayan prophecies are predicting the imminent end of the world. Reasonable experts point out that the Mayan Long Count calendar doesn't point in that direction.

This hasn't stopped the nutcases from still going out of their minds with worry, has it, Scarlett?

Unfortunately, no. Fortunately for us, we plan to spend the 21st doing what we always do... and maybe enjoying it even more! That added element of danger and impending doom sounds like it could be great fun!

It's been said recently that the 21st of December will be the most annoying day in the history of the internet. No doubt. There will be people proclaiming by the hour around the world how the world hasn't come to an end yet. There will be endless jokes when the world is still here on the 22nd.

And then everyone--EVERYONE--will be converging on the malls to do all the Christmas
shopping they didn't do because they thought we wouldn't be around on Christmas!
Now, that could trigger Armageddon....

Never get in the way of a rampaging herd of last minute Christmas shoppers.

For those who honestly do believe the world is coming to an end, put your money where your mouth is. In this case, give all your money and material possessions away.

And be sure you give it to a worthy cause. I'm thinking mental health services,
since most of you will be needing them.

2013 will be a banner year for therapists. 

Did I mention that I just love Grumpy Cat?

How can we not love Grumpy Cat?

So what's the worst that can happen? Aside from waking up on the 22nd realizing the world didn't end and you no longer have a single item or dollar to your name?

We could give away all of our clothes. We haven't had need of them anyway.

We rarely do, actually.

For the rest of us, we'll just get ourselves through the day on Friday, which will end like pretty much every other day. We'll try not to tell the nutcase believers that we told them so. Emphasis on try.

I don't think I want to try. I love saying I told you so. And pointing and laughing.

At least if these mock forecasts are right... it'll be a dry heat. No humidity there.

Uh, darling...that forecast has as much chance of being accurate as any the
meteorologists have previously issued....

True. What other profession, aside from forecasters, can you afford to be wrong ninety percent of the time? And if we're wrong, well, we can roast marshmallows.

I like that idea! You and me, roasting marshmallows in the fireplace and...
use your imagination....

Oh well. There's nothing for it. We just have to get ourselves through the zaniness of Friday. Because Christmas is right around the corner after that, and sorry, true believers, but it is happening. Just as it has in other years. So if you've been putting off Christmas shopping because you think the world is going to end on Friday, you're going to have to spend the weekend in a mad dash doing your Christmas shopping. Might as well get started now.

Let the real insanity begin!

And there's no putting off your New Year's resolutions that you've been avoiding for the last... three hundred fifty days? Get off that couch!

I've only made one resolution...and you can guess what it is....

It involves the most enjoyable way two people can burn off calories.

While all of this lunacy is happening on Friday, Scarlett and I know where we'll be.

Where we always are...doing what we always do....

By the way, little known fact? The Mayans carved an image of a couple fornicating into the other side of that Long Count Calendar, but it's so graphic that it would make swingers blush.

And we weren't even there to pose for them!

That reminds me, love...I've set up a session with a sculptor. He's going to make a life-size statue of us in our favorite activity. We'll have to pose for him for hours on end....

 I think we can keep each other... inspired.


  1. Now I want to see the other side of the Mayan Long Count calendar.

  2. Oh dear, sounds like you two have plenty of ideas for the New Year. Perhaps you're both two busy for the world to end.

  3. I just want boxes of Oreo cookies after everyone vanishes into the void. Then, I'll invade a furniture store and take home every think I can load into one of their semis (^; May as well be comfortable, right?

  4. I want Oreo cookies with that picture on the other side of the calander. :-) And a nice fire to roast marshmellows and preferably someone to roast them with while trying out that picture I would like to see on the other side of my Oreo.

    Again a very entertaining post.

  5. William, I like the Oreo cookie comparison! Has anyone tried to translate the oreo cookie?

  6. Note to self: Bring Oreos to End of the World party.

  7. Lo and behold, it's Saturday morning, and the world didn't end. Go figure....