All Hail Prince Loki Voldemort Gollum Sherlock Cambridge, Wielder Of The Royal Baby Rattle

"Oyez, oyez, oyez! On this day, the 22nd of July, in the year 2013, we welcome, with humble duty, a future king, the firstborn of Their Royal Highness The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the third in line to the throne. And our new prince is the third great-grandchild of Her Majesty the Queen and the grandchild of His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales. May he be long lived, happy, and glorious, and one day rule over us. God save the Queen!" ~ Town Crier and Captain Hook impersonator Tony Appleton, July 22nd, 2013

"Mr. Appleton, where did you get that hat? I'd love one for myself, to wear it at Ascot next year." ~ Princess Beatrice of York

Well, the world's most eagerly anticipated pregnancy has brought about a son to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. The paparazzi were successfully avoided and the new parents got some actual time alone with their newborn baby. Much to the chagrin of the Dark Lord, Rupert Murdoch, who would have loved to film the whole thing and sell it all over the world.

We thought we'd play around with the theme in an image blog. Personally, we doubt we're invited to the baptism. After all, with that whole exhibitionist scene we made last year at the Order of the Garters ceremonies, we're on a watch list. So we got a little carried away with ourselves. How were we supposed to know it's not about that kind of garter?

It Is A Truth Universally Acknowledged

"....that a politician, running for higher office, shall be in want of a spin doctor. Oh, no, that will never do. Spin doctor is a term that hasn't been invented yet. Very well then, how shall I start this tale? It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a drunkard, having had sobered up, shall be in want of a bottle of rum? Come now, Jane, you're not writing a drinking song. Think, girl!" ~ Jane Austen, 1796

This month marks the two hundredth anniversary of the first publication of Pride and Prejudice, the signature novel by Jane Austen which continues to be a beloved classic today. The story of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy hasn't lost its appeal in these two centuries, still selling strong today, spawning endless adaptations and inspirations for stage, screen, and spinoffs. At the heart of a story about British society, family dynamics, class, and parental expectations are two stubborn, proud characters, both of whom are meant for each other.

We thought we'd mark the occasion by asking a most serious question or three...

Do you relate more to Darcy or Lizzie?

Does Mr. Wickham deserve to die a horrendously painful death in the never seen writer's alternative ending? 

Is Mr. Collins merely misunderstood, and really not all that awkward?

Is Lady Catherine de Bourgh naturally that ill tempered, or is it because her heart was once broken by a knavish rake?

Do you have no idea who these people are we're talking about? (Heathen! Heathen! We cast you out!)

Happy Two Hundredth Anniversary, Jane. All writers wish they could still be known two centuries on. You've done just that.

And no, we have no idea why the zombies got grafted onto the book by Seth Grahame Smith. 

Six Sentence Sunday

Today we have another passage from Same Time Tomorrow, this one set in the Lake District in Great Britain, during a storm. During the story, Gabriel is on assignment as a photographer in the area for a few weeks, spending time working with a colleague and friend, a writer named Terry. Terry is something of a rascal, which of course makes him fun to write.

In this scene, the storm is just starting to influence the area, and it has already cut off phone contact to the outside world.. Terry and Gabriel find themselves stranded for awhile at their lodgings, where they find themselves trying to stay occupied as the weather goes from bad to worse (this is England, remember, so rain's to be expected)...

            “It’s a couple of days of downtime. And it’s not as if we’re stranded. There’s plenty of food, some good company. This isn’t going to turn into the Donner Party, you know.”

            Gabriel laughed. “That’s disgusting, Terry.”

Longshot Names For A Royal Baby

It seems that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are now expecting. Yes, William and Kate will be in the coming months, barring any complications, welcoming a baby into the royal family, and the press are already in a feeding frenzy. Some of them are trying to steal ultrasounds. Others are planning to figure out a way to get the first pictures of the royal tyke in a few months.

And of course many people are speculating on names, even taking bets on the possible outcome. Elizabeth or Diana feature high on many such lists for girls, and Philip, Charles, or Louis are among the contenders for boy's names.

Then there are the names that aren't likely to be on any such list. We thought we'd share some names that you'll never see in a Royal Family (never say never, there is a great-granddaughter in the mix named Savannah, so)...

For the girls:

Anything derived from the Kardashians (sorry, Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe, but you can blame your mother, who never met a camera she didn't like and has no idea what decorum and dignity mean, for the fact that you're not getting a royal baby named after you. That, and the fact that two of you have misspelled names certainly doesn't help your cause)
Paris
Lindsay
Rihanna
Britney
Snooki
Ke$ha
Cleopatra
Edina
Patsy
Margaret Thatcher Mountbatten-Windsor
Bella Swan Mountbatten-Windsor (sorry, Twilight fans)
Camilla (sorry, Step-Mommy Dearest)
Drucilla (too vampirish, sorry, Dru)
Bindi Sue (what was Steve Irwin thinking?)
Nymphadora Tonks Mountbatten-Windsor (sorry, Harry Potter fans)
Jadis Mountbatten-Windsor (sorry, Narnia fans, but the White Witch's name is off limits)

For the boys:

Otto
Attila
Osama
Saddam
Kanye
Bubba
The Situation Mountbatten-Windsor
Edward Cullen Mountbatten-Windsor (what did we tell you, Twilight fans?)
John Major Mountbatten-Windsor
Tony Blair Mountbatten-Windsor
Gordon Brown Mountbatten-Windsor
Rupert Murdoch Mountbatten-Windsor
Michael Jackson Mountbatten-Windsor
Rufus
Brutus
Sauron
Denethor
Meriadoc Brandybuck
Peregrin Took
Lord Voldemort
Sirius Mountbatten-Windsor
Remus Mountbatten-Windsor
Albus Dumbledore Mountbatten-Windsor (again, sorry, Harry Potter fans)
Prince Caspian Mountbatten-Windsor (well, actually, that one works...)

So, any names you'd suggest the Royals steer clear from?

Six Sentence Sunday

It's been awhile since we've done one of these; we thought we'd take a short portion from an earlier chapter in the book, featuring Gabriel on his own, walking in the Lake District in England on a stormy day. Enjoy, and let us know what you think.

There was a bright flash off to his right, accompanied by a loud boom just afterwards. Across the meadow, just twenty or thirty feet away, at the tree line, a  stray bolt of lightning had hit a large tree. He could see its path down the trunk, a zigzag pattern reaching down the bulk of the tree. There was a groan, almost as if the tree itself was calling out… and then the tree started to give way. It tilted, pitching forward, away from Gabriel. He watched as it broke away from the roots, the trunk slamming into the ground, the air filled with electricity and the peculiar smell of burnt wood.