Chainmail Lingerie And Explosive Climaxes

The God of Thunder returns in the sequel Thor: The Dark World, out right now in cinemas. Scarlett and I thought we might review it, after a fashion. Assuming we don’t get distracted. We tend to get distracted quite a lot.

We do, indeed--though I could just admire Chris Hemsworth all day. That man is truly a work of art! But so are you, my darling. Mustn't be jealous....

Of course not! Much has been said about the film, an epic adventure based on the comic, something of a Lord of the Rings sensibility about Asgard, an old enemy, some romantic entanglements, and a brother who likes to get into all sorts of mischief. We thought we’d talk about some of it.

Ah, yes-- Loki. Now there's a fellow who actually causes more mischief than we do-- but doesn't have nearly as much fun at it. A pity--Tom Hiddleston is quite a piece of tasty eye candy himself!

His fans must wish the film was called Loki, God of Mischief And Raised Eyebrows The story follows Thor in Asgard and on Earth as he and his friends deal with the new rising threat of an old enemy. Malekith the Dark Elf (no Legolas?) and his minions (not the cute kind) are the Big Bads this time out, and they mean business, unleashing war across the Nine Realms. This of course cuts short Thor’s reunion with Jane Foster (Natalie Portman). It’s been a couple of years since they’ve seen each other, and while that amount of time is meaningless to an immortal, she’s gotten rather impatient, particularly with him having had turned up on Earth once since she last saw him and she didn’t even merit a “hey, how are you doing, how about we get a cup of coffee or some mead?” phone call.

Legolas....also quite adorable. As for the Minions....

Minions are trouble, Scarlett! I suppose saving the world and keeping oneself busy putting out brush fires across the Nine Realms is a pretty good reason for staying away. Still, he could at least bring roses or chocolates. Anyway, the film’s a big sprawling sort of adventure, one of those “the entire cosmos is at stake” sort of things. The cast is good, the story moves along briskly, and unlike something out of a Guy Ritchie film, you can actually keep track of what’s happening.

I would have liked to see him give her something a bit more, shall we say, intimate?

I wonder if Asgardians use chainmail lingerie. We did have one outstanding problem. Thor and Jane don’t get enough alone time.

That's putting it mildly. Two years without lovemaking would make me crazy! They should have been all over each other!

They should have! I mean, come on, Marvel! We know you’re trying to get as much of an audience as possible, hence the PG rating, but it’s been two years, and we can’t get so much as a morning after scene? We have to make assumptions in between the scenes? Look, it’s very simple. You certainly had bedroom scenes in the Iron Man films. You can get away with it in a film with Thor and Jane.

It's Disney. It's all their fault. Two Thor films and we get two shirtless scenes? Unforgivable! As much as I enjoyed seeing Tony Stark in action-- and yes, I mean that kind of action-- I want to see Thor get some, too. And Captain America, while they're at it!

They’ve certainly earned it. Though it does occur to me that there could be a problem. If Thor gets too excited during sex… can a mortal woman hold up to that? It’s sort of the same conundrum you have about Lois and Clark. How much is he holding back, so to speak?

Could be worse. Imagine the Hulk getting too excited.

That gives a whole new meaning to an explosive climax. 

Do Super Soldiers Have Time For Getting Lucky?

James and I have been discussing the virginity--or lack thereof--of Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America. I say he's still a virgin. James says maybe not.

Strictly speaking, we're talking about the movie version here, namely Chris Evans playing the super soldier in Captain America: The First Avenger, where the character spends the first part of World War Two trying to get to the army despite his frail health, and once he's been infused with a formula, ends up a super soldier. Complete aside: Lance Armstrong would like to know if there's any more of that.

Anyway, in films like this, there's always a love interest, and just like in the comics, she's Peggy Carter, a spitfire agent who has a thing for Steve. The feeling's mutual, but they're not around each other that much...

Being a man, darling, I suppose you find it hard to believe that Steve, now in his nineties (at least) but not looking older than late twenties, could have gone without for so long.

Well, it was the war, and if a guy was away from home, off in England waiting for that whole crossing the Channel thing, he'd have the odd opportunity to get to know one of the local girls in town. It wasn't the sort of thing you wrote home to Mom and Dad about...

I can think of a number of women who would be more than willing to remedy the situation for him!

It must be that whole shirtless thing he does after the procedure's over in the movie. I swear, you can practically hear the women in the theatre sigh in unison. And Peggy does look like she's ready to jump him right there and then in front of everyone in the lab.

But when might he have done the deed, my love? Just before he became Captain America, he told Peggy Carter that their conversation in the car was the longest he'd ever had with a woman. After that, when would they have managed to find enough time alone?

That is a problem. After the procedure, she goes off one way to Europe as part of her work, and he's stuck in America getting bored out of his mind selling war bonds by performing on stage for audiences. And when he turns up in Europe and starts the whole super hero thing, well... for awhile she's kind of annoyed with him.

That whole getting caught kissing a shameless flirt thing caught up with Steve, after all.

I couldn't blame her for shooting at him.

He's lucky he had the shield.
And then he had to sacrifice himself to save New York City...

True... but there's at least a bit of time when they kiss and make up after Bucky bites the dust on a mission. And before that last act of the film. I still say Steve and Peggy got lucky.

And if not... well, he's thawed out in the present day, and he's got some wild oats to sow, so to speak.

Actually, that particular idiom is kind of icky.

A Return To Titanic: Somewhere Across The Sea

Titanic has been re-released in theatres for a limited time to commemorate the centennial of the sinking of the luxury liner. James Cameron's masterpiece has been glossed over into the 3D format, and so Scarlett and I thought we'd do a review of the film, in the way that only we can, of course....

When it comes to movies, we don't always agree, but there's one thing we both agree on: we hate 3D! I think far too many filmmakers have come to rely on special effects and 3D (George Lucas and James Cameron, I'm talking about you) instead of story and character. Titanic is, in my opinion, one of the best movies ever made. To reissue it in 3D is absurd. But following Titanic with Avatar was a harbinger of things to come from Cameron...

The film is told as a story in the present day. An elderly survivor of the disaster (Gloria Stuart) recounts her story to her granddaughter and a salvage crew led by an eager salvager (Bill Paxton) out at sea, above the site where the ship came to rest. The elderly Rose tells them how, as a young woman (Kate Winslet), while she was heading home to America, to an impending wedding to Cal (Billy Zane) a man she didn't love, she met another man, Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio), who changed her life.

I absolutely loved the love story between Jack and Rose! Poor boy meets rich girl-- all right, so it's not original, it still works. But then I'm a sucker for a good love story... as you well know, my love. I thought Kate Winslet was wonderful as the elegant but troubled Rose. She's been one of my favourite actresses ever since I first saw Titanic back in 1997.

She's certainly an exceptional talent. The story really is hers, the person she becomes through this all too brief voyage. Meeting this rough and tumble wanderer from the proverbial other side of the tracks changes every expectation about life she ever had. Jack sees the world in a very clear way.

As she says in the movie, he saved her in every way a woman could be saved. I liked that after he was gone, she went off to do all the things he told her she would do. He gave her courage... courage to walk away from her overbearing fiancee and her selfish, manipulative mother (Frances Fisher). Rose narrowly escaped drowning in more ways then one.

And the rest of the cast rounds out things. Billy Zane is dastardly and rotten as Cal, contrasting to Jack's basic goodness. And he's backed up by that contemptuous valet of his (David Warner), to make matters worse, not to mention, as you say it, that selfish and manipulative mother of hers...

The film consists of other good performances from character actors like Victor Garber, Bernard Hill, Jonathan Hyde, and many more. Beyond that, it's a spectacle, going into as much detail as possible about the ship, the class differences of the time, and ultimately the sinking itself. Cameron is definitely one who pays attention to the slightest thing, and it shows in the final product.

Darling, you pay attention to detail! You analyze every film we see. That's why you're such a good reviewer. I just go on my gut. If it evokes the right emotions from me, I'm good. I may be aware of these things on some level, but I want to be so caught up in the story and the characters that I forget it's just a movie. Like that scene in which Rose poses nude for Jack, wearing only that necklace... I got turned on just watching that!

Remember when we took a hint or two out of that scene and sketched each other nude?

You're actually quite a good artist, love. But then you've always been good with your hands.

I've had an inspiring model, goddess!

Well, the movie's out there again in theatres. If you can manage the 3D, go and see the epic love story played out against the sinking. We missed watching the sinking this time out. We ended up going down together... or getting off together... or going down on each other. Take your pick.

Romance On The Silver Screen

Scarlett and I thought with today being Valentine’s Day, we might share some of our favourite romantic movies with you, and suggest you tell us some of your favourites in turn. Mind you, these aren’t quite the sort of movies that will make you blush or anything…. unless your tendency to blush is rather unusual. Go ahead and admit to it, we won’t judge you, will we?

Of course not! But then, if you're a regular visitor to this blog and you're still blushing, well....

My first choice would have to be one of my personal favourites. Before Sunrise tells the story of an American (Ethan Hawke) who meets a French woman (Julie Delpy) on a train, and convinces her to step off the train and see Vienna with him on his last night in Europe.

The film plays out through the night as the two get to know each other, talking and seeing things in the city. And the audience falls as much for these two as they fall for each other. They’re both smart, well spoken, and appealing characters, we can’t help but like them. If you haven’t seen this yet, why haven’t you? And if you don’t like it… well, you must be lacking a soul. In which case, a team of exorcists will be coming to see you.

One movie on my list is one I found quite by accident: If Only. With over two hundred satellite channels, one would think there would never be a shortage of things to watch, right? Not so. So...while channel surfing one Saturday afternoon, I discovered this gem of a film about an American musician living in London (Jennifer Love Hewitt) and her British executive boyfriend (Paul Nichols). Ian's preoccupation with his work is a source of deep disappointment for Samantha, who would like more of his attention.

After an argument in a restaurant, she walks out on him—and is killed in a traffic accident. He's of course stunned to find her in his bed when he wakes the next morning. He soon discovers he's been given a chance to relive their last day together. Will he repeat his mistakes, or give his love one incredible last day on earth? What could have been a sappy, overblown romance is instead tender and thoughtful, reminding us that we never know what day might be our last...and that we should never take those we love for granted.

I’d never heard of that one, but that must be remedied post haste!

Another personal favourite of mine must be For Love Of The Game. Yes, it’s a sports movie. It’s also much more. During the last game of a bad season, a legendary pitcher (Kevin Costner) must decide if he wants to retire or not, and while he’s playing the game, he’s flashing back to what’s really important to him: the woman he’s had an on-again and off-again relationship with for the last few years (Kelly Preston).

Their relationship is the bedrock of the film, and the decision he has to make is tied directly to her in every way. It’s a beautifully told film, a terrific character study, and in the end, a satisfying romance.

Another Costner film is on my list: Dragonfly. It's a supernatural tale of love that overcomes death itself. When a doctor's pregnant wife—also a doctor—is killed while on a humanitarian mission in a third-world country, he is unable to accept his loss. He begins to have strange dreams in which his deceased wife seems to be reaching out to him, trying to tell him something.

She had a special fondness for dragonflies, as well as a dragonfly-shaped birthmark, and he's seeing dragonflies everywhere. Ultimately, his obsession leads him to the place where she died...where he discovers she was indeed trying to tell him something. He makes an incredible discovery that leads him out of the darkness of grief and gives him a reason to go on. This film reminds me of another favorite, Ghost.

One film that I frequently kick myself for not seeing in the theatre is The Lake House. The movie brings back together Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, in a manner of speaking. I say that because the two characters, though occupying the same home, are in two different time periods, and yet able to talk to each other, through letters left in the mail box.

None of it is ever explained, and there’s really no need for an explanation. They’re these two wonderful characters, perfectly suited for each other, and the story fleshes them out so well, all the while making good use of near-misses, the rules of time, and the idea that we’re all closer to each other then we realize…

I love The Lake House, too. As you might have noticed, I have a special fondness for love stories with a supernatural element. But I also love romantic comedies, which brings me to my next choice, Sweet Home Alabama. Reese Witherspoon plays a rising start in the world of fashion who keeps her redneck roots a secret—until her aspiring politician boyfriend (Patrick Dempsey) proposes and they start talking quickie wedding.

Before she can marry him, she must go home to Alabama and convince her estranged husband (Josh Lucas) to finally sign the divorce papers. Once home, however, “Felony Melanie,” as she's known there, finds herself with unresolved feelings for the man she left behind. Oddball supporting characters make this film as much fun as a romance can be!

Felony Melanie, huh?

And who can make a list like this without paying due homage to the best film of all time? Casablanca, the classic Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman movie, tells the story of a jaded American stuck in Morocco during the Second World War, and the woman who got away. This is the movie that has it all: a great love triangle, smart snappy writing, memorable characters, terrific villains, and a story that hinges on finding your idealism, courage, and doing what’s right, even if that means letting the person you love go. Oh, and it’s got the best final conversation in movie history.

Ah, Casablanca! Indeed it is the best film of all time. Not much more I can say to add to what James has already said. Bogart...Bergman...an exotic wartime location, an incredible script...a winning combination that remains unmatched to this day!

So that’s our look at romantic movies for this Valentine’s Day. To our readers, we wish you a happy Valentine’s Day. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re spending the evening in between the sheets….